This is about me, not you.

Last year I drew a small pile of gag cartoons and sent them off to the New Yorker just to, you know, see. I thought they were good, but alas, no response. Didn't even get a rejection letter. Now that's rejection. I'm sure they're inundated with submissions, but mine were special. They were from me. 

"Hey, can somebody get me a metaphor?"

This illustration is obviously replete with symbolism and is a deep metaphor for something. I'm just trying to come up with something relevant to merit it being here, cause I like it so darn much. Let's see... I was inspired by my hero Lance Armstrong on his finish today in the Boston Marathon, just putting one foot in front of the other. Just doin' it! Livin' strong! (zzzzz.) Or maybe he's on the road to Pennsylvania for tomorrow's primary. Just remember, vote for Barry Obama, and vote often! Or... Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time! Q: How do you get through life? A: One day at a time! Q: How do you get where you need to go? A: Look at a map (Ooooh, another metaphor!) and start taking steps. And be sure to smile as you go! Whatever. Hope you enjoy my drawing.

Diptych rhymes with Dipstick. Coincidence?

These paintings were commissioned by Alley & Associates, an environmental engineering firm in Nashville, Tennessee, to hang in the lobby of their cool new offices. They are acrylic on canvas, 48" x 48" each, and hanging one above the other in a large vertical space. That's 32 square feet of painting folks, if you're into the math thing. I think Al Gore would like these, and could afford to send some work my way. Even though he lives just two miles from me, I haven't yet run into him or Tipper at the grocery, so if anyone can forward these to him, I'd appreciate it.

Deuteronomy 25:11,12

This illustration is an element that goes on a children's game board for LifeWay Christian Resources. The designer is my friend Ed Maksimowicz.

The past few years a great amount of my work has been for LifeWay, so in an effort to know "the product" better, this year I'm reading the bible through, from cover to cover.

I'd like to share with you some of the practical wisdom I've gleaned from that comforting book of Deuteronomy:

"If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity."

Sweet.

That, of course, is from the NIV, or the "Nearly Inspired Version" as an elder at my church likes to say. Since this verse has such meaning for me today, I did an expansive study of it, and would like to share with you some other interpretations of this important passage, which as we know is "God breathed".

From the original language, or as some call it, The King James Version...

"When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand , and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her."

The secrets?

The ever popular NASV calls it this way...

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

And that lite, watered down Living Bible says is thusly...

"If two men are fighting and the wife of one intervenes to help her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, her hand shall be cut off without pity."

Yikes. So folks, quit your squabbling and be careful out there.

And they lived happily ever after.

Occasionally in real life, like in the fairy tales, life is just, and good triumphs over evil. Like was witnessed yesterday evening when the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the thugs of Memphis. "There is no 'I' in Team, but there is a 'Me' in Memphis."  Quit eatin' gummy bears and practice your free throws you idiot! Life is soooo good!

Above is the latest installment of the 437 entries of Snake, Fork, and Rose. Please note that all my paintings are for sale, unless otherwise noted. Be a part of history, buy yours today!

Snake, Rose, and Fork

A man in a flaming pie appeared to me (this is not the man in a flaming pie that told John Lennon that they would be the Beatles with an "A") and told me to paint 437 paintings of a Snake, a Rose, and a Fork. When I complete the 437 paintings, I feel that he will reappear and tell me the mysterious significance of the number 437. I'll keep you posted, this may take a while.

Bill's Li'l Book of the Dead.

Back in the early part of the century, when times were simpler, (before iPods), I carried a little brown sketchbook with me where ever I went.

In this book I had taped obituaries that I had clipped from my newspaper. Then I would sketch these interesting faces in my little sketchbook while waiting for late art directors, delayed designers, over committed doctors, or while flying on planes. Like I fly a lot. I think I've been on a plane once this entire century, let alone this decade.

Please enjoy these sketches of Mrs. Jessie and Andrew, who were loved by someone, somewhere, very much, taken from "Bill's Li'l Book of the Dead".