Bill Ross Draws.

Breaking in, a new scanner.

2010-01-20T11:42:00.002-06:00

Drew a picture of a bad guy breaking into a house. And I'm trying to break in a new scanner. And I don't think I like it so far. I hate new things, especially things of a technological nature.

Illustration Friday: Confined

2010-01-08T09:35:00.003-06:00

Yeah, I was a teenager once. I think I remember that. And being home with the parents seemed like an undeserved punishment. Well, maybe deserved, but certainly cruel and unusual. Now that I have teenagers of my own, my dream of having quality family time in the style of Ozzie and Harriet, is looked at as confinement to my darling daughters. Looking forward to their "freedom".

Look Ma, I'm a typographer!

2010-01-06T07:45:00.002-06:00

Back to basics here people. First assignment of the year was to design and illustrate a couple of covers for some kid's activity books. They wanted (obviously) all type. In doing my extensive research, like I do in all of my projects, I had to go back to my roots, and remember all 26 letters of the American alphabet. And when you take into account that each letter has an upper and a lower case version, that's 52 letters! (Had to dabble in a little math there as well.) Yes, this was mentally taxing, but staying up late a couple of nights studying ancient documents, and finding accurate images of almost all 52 letters, was able to complete the assignment to the satisfaction of my client. I anticipate getting paid handsomely for this.

Illustration Friday: Renewal

2010-01-01T08:08:00.002-06:00

I love hangin' out at the library. Sometimes take my work there just to get out of the house, and it's cheaper than Starbucks. Sometimes to look through all the magazines that I can't afford subscriptions to. Sometimes to renew the great books that I've checked out because I haven't been reading fast enough. Here's to a great year of reading great books!

Illustration Friday: Infinite

2009-09-18T08:45:00.003-05:00

Our resources can be infinite, if we'll just learn to use things wisely. (I have no idea where this blueish color is from. I colored it a nice yellow. Please use your imagination. I'm assuming you have a healthy one, as evidenced by the fact that you're at this website.)

Illustration Friday: Welcome

2009-09-11T08:43:00.002-05:00

Used this before, but could anything else be more appropriate???? Love Illustration Friday!

Illustration Friday: Strong

2009-09-04T09:26:00.005-05:00

Some folks say Jesus was strong. Some say he was meek. Whatever. Whenever I say I am strong, people say, "Smell isn't everything!"

Illustration Friday: Magnify

2009-08-28T08:36:00.005-05:00

Not sure if anyone's out there. I think we need to magnify our brains to comprehend it all.

Illustration Friday: Worn

2009-06-26T08:20:00.003-05:00

"If you don't warn him, his coat won't be worn, and he won't be warm." (Too bad the word isn't "corny".)

Illustration Friday: Drifting

2009-06-19T08:06:00.006-05:00

The heat of the summer has me drifting off to nap time, when I should be working. If you can call drawing funny pictures "working". Thankful for the work.

Illustration Friday: Unfold

2009-06-12T08:01:00.005-05:00

Sure, it's easy to unfold the thing. But how do you fold it back up????

Illustration Friday: Craving

2009-06-05T08:29:00.002-05:00

I often have cravings for pork products. Let me count the ways... bacon, chops, sausage, ribs..... mmmm... STOP me!!!!

Illustration Friday: Adapt

2009-05-29T19:54:00.004-05:00

When "undesirables" move into the neighborhood, the neighborly thing to do is to adapt.

Illustration Friday: Contagious

2009-05-15T08:42:00.001-05:00

Sometimes a friendly gesture is contagious!

Illustration Friday: Parade

2009-05-10T06:04:00.005-05:00

I think that, by definition, it's not a parade without old men in fezzes driving driving miniature cars.

Illustration Friday: Hierarchy

2009-05-01T09:31:00.002-05:00

"He with boogers on fingers RULES!"

Illustration Friday: Theater

2009-04-27T07:33:00.003-05:00

Sometimes at the theater, there are things more interesting than the performance on the screen.

Illustration Friday: Talisman

2009-04-03T10:56:00.004-05:00

The words for "IllustrationFriday.com" are getting increasingly difficult. Want them to use "salt" or "dog" or "toilet".

Harvard Briefs Blog Masthead

2009-03-30T12:27:00.004-05:00

Click image to enlarge

A friend whose son recently got accepted to Harvard Law school commissioned me to design a masthead for his son's blog of his adventures in law school.

Summer at Camp Widjiwagan

2009-03-30T12:16:00.006-05:00

Click image to enlarge.

Every year the folks at the YMCA Camp Widjiwagan have me draw the t-shirt design for the summer campers. Usually I draw a little scene with kids doin' stuff, but this year I asked them if I could go a different direction. It's an incredible camp with lots of fun land and water activities, so I incorporated some of the activities in the letterforms. This is the sketch that they approved.

Illustration Friday: Poise

2009-03-28T08:12:00.005-05:00

From my book "Hey, That's Not What the Bible Says!"

Super-Duper-Mega-Jesus is poised to save the world!!!

Illustration Friday: Legendary

2009-03-13T09:00:00.004-05:00

Here in Nashville, there have been a lot of legendary folks. This stream of consciousness page from a sketchbook portrays one of the biggest.

Illustration Friday: Intricate

2009-03-06T09:31:00.004-06:00

Intricate: Having many complexly interrelating parts or elements. Does a drawing of a whole bunch of cows over a painting of what we get from cows qualify? It's pretty intricate to me, considering I have the attention span of a five year old main lining Mountain Dew. What do we get from cows? Dairy, meat, and shoes.

Illustration Friday: Breezy

2009-02-28T12:40:00.006-06:00

Life would be easy-breezy if we all just had clones to help us get it all done!

McAmerica Diptych.

2009-02-25T09:14:00.008-06:00

24" x 30" ea. / Acrylic on canvas.

It's evident how long ago I painted these paintings. You can't get your Big Mac in a Styrofoam container these days. But I'll bet there are some still intact in a landfill near you. The deep, symbolic meaning of these just isn't there. Maybe combining the two iconic symbols of America, but it's more like I love McDonald's, especially them fries!

Illustration Friday: Instinct

2009-02-20T07:11:00.005-06:00

My natural instinct, (what other kind is there?) is to blast out of bed in the morning and attack the day!

Da Green Snail.

2009-02-16T21:58:00.003-06:00

This would look good hangin' over anybody's couch!

Illustration Friday: Celebrate

2009-02-14T10:19:00.003-06:00

A lot of people had a little celebration back in November. I did as well. This is a recycled image from then, but in a spirit of doing my part, and not using another sheet of paper, and therefore making the world a better place, I'm using it again. And I'll use it when the word is "wings", I'll use it again when the word is "thumbs", and I'll use it again when the word is "angel", and I'll use it again when the word is "music", and I'll use it again when the word is "recycle". And I suspect that many of those words have already been used. Oh well.

Illustration Friday: Time

2009-02-06T14:41:00.004-06:00

Time just comes around once. Too much time in front of the television is not good. I just read this in an issue of Time. Time to shut the television off. I say this to my kids all of the time.

What the...?

2009-02-05T07:47:00.006-06:00

Not real sure what this is about, but I think it's kinda cool. If I could just figure out how to make money from all this crap in my head. Have a nice day.

Cold Blue.

2009-02-04T07:35:00.006-06:00

I really like this image, I think it would look good over somebody's couch in Phoenix. Or maybe over the toilet, depending on the scale of the painting, or maybe the scale of the bathroom. In the hot summer, it might give a vibe of coolness into an otherwise oppressively hot day. But I picture people's homes in Phoenix being all earthy, beigy, ochery, and this blue thing not quite fitting in. So maybe Chicago. It is so freaking cold in Nashville today, that this sketch seems appropriate, even though there's no snow. Just coldness. Ack!!!

C A Z E Y

2009-02-03T07:50:00.004-06:00

Photoshop sketch.

Acrylic study.

Another painting experiment. I love Franz Kline and his confidence to do big black, almost asian characters in his paintings. And the main man, for me, is Stuart Davis and his sense of color, and Jim Flora, just for his insane greatness. I'm not saying that these images of mine are trying to be like them. I'm just sharing who I love, and who might be somewhere in the back of my mind when I'm thinking of creating art.

(Insert pretentious title here)

2009-02-02T11:10:00.005-06:00

I think every artist's dream is to become a pretentious, enigmatic painter. Not me. I just want to be popular and make a few bucks. While I think that I can draw okay, picking color has never come easy for me. So I've done a few of these quick abstract-ish color studies in Photoshop, that I think could be pretentious, (given a cool title), and enigmatic (like "what the heck is that?") paintings. So I'll post one each day this week. I'm open for pretentious titles, so let me know your thoughts.

Illustration Friday: Flawed

2009-01-30T10:08:00.003-06:00

"It's all their fault! It's all their fault! It's all their fault!"

Illustration Friday: Climbing

2009-01-23T09:12:00.004-06:00

After climbing the Tree to Nowhere, he came face to face with the questions "Where have I come from?" and "Where am I going?".

Poster for AC/DC concert.

2009-01-21T20:42:00.005-06:00

The final poster. 31"x48"!

The sketch.

The finished illustration.

I got an assignment last week to produce an illustration for a poster of one of my favorite bands, AC/DC, to commemorate their upcoming sold-out concert here in Nashville. When I think of AC/DC visually, I think of the incredible, diminutive guitar god, Angus Young in his school boy shorts, and the gruff blue-collar toughness of singer Brian Johnson in his ever present hat. The assignment was to make it uniquely Nashville, so I put in a few of the architectural icons of downtown Nashville.

Seems like a good day for a re-run.

2009-01-20T09:47:00.004-06:00

This image was my first post on Illustration Friday, for the word "Poof!" Seems like a good day to dust it off, and show it again. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do! A labor of love.

Illustration Friday: Pale

2009-01-16T11:30:00.003-06:00

The illustrator began to feel pale as the representative from Illustration Friday approached, knowing that he was about to be confronted over the posting of irrelevant images.

Question: What's funnier than a fez?

2009-01-12T08:57:00.003-06:00

Answer: Nothing.

It's been awhile since I've posted images from my sketchbook of obituary drawings. So I present to you here Wilson and Deacon Elijah.

Note to self: Schedule appointment with photographer to get picture taken wearing a fez for the amazement of the readers of my obituary, hopefully many years from now.

Illustration Friday: Contained

2009-01-09T09:00:00.005-06:00

When he reached the mountaintop, Moses found a jar that contained ten pretty good ideas. Even though the jar had been cleaned, Moses could still detect a faint smell of pickles. Nonetheless, Moses wrote down the ideas thinking they might be good to refer to at a later date. Ideas such as: Never sneak into the movies.

Illustration Friday: Resolve

2009-01-03T17:47:00.005-06:00

I was hoping this came in a pill. But a bottle will have to do. Good luck with all that!

The book to buy NEXT Christmas!

2008-12-22T11:20:00.004-06:00

Designer Ian Black and I are working on a children's book co-written by his mother and his son. When the lucky publisher identifies themselves and comes forward with a deal to proceed, we're sure this will be all the rage next Christmas. I'll keep you posted, and hope everyone has a Very Merry Christmas, and I hope you don't lose any teeth over the holidays. It gets confusing.

Illustration Friday: Voices

2008-12-19T16:46:00.004-06:00

I heard voices. I heard them all week. In my head.

The voices said, "The Illustration Friday word this week will be either 'Cookie' or 'Dough', and that will enable you to use your existing holiday cartoon and you can post it quick enough to be hot on the heels of that Willie Baronet. Just don't ever expect to beat him. You will be disappointed. Only Tina has that power."

But the voices lied. Or I misunderstood them. People do that you know. Misunderstand the voices that they think they are hearing. Happens all the time.

Then I heard another voice. It said "What's stopping me?"

Illustration Friday: Rambunctious

2008-12-12T09:05:00.004-06:00

"Marked by uncontrollable exuberance: UNRULY." Good thoughts for a Friday.

It was 28 years ago today...

2008-12-08T04:37:00.005-06:00

John and Yoko. 1981. Oil on canvas. h18 x w24 in.

I was watching Monday Night Football in my apartment in Dallas. The Miami Dolphins were hosting the New England Patriots. Miami won the game 16-13 in overtime, with a 23 yard field goal by Uwe von Schamann. His 3rd field goal of the night. It was December 8th, 1980. I'm sure I was nursing a beer. I'm sure it was a Coor's. I was just a child and had not yet cultivated my sophisticated taste for imported malt beverages.

It was during the broadcast of that game when Howard Cosell broke the news to the world that John Lennon had been shot, and killed.

I'm sure I had several more beers that night.

I painted the above oil painting a few weeks after that night. It's of the iconic photograph taken by Kashin Shinoyama that appears on the album cover of Double Fantasy, John Lennon's then just released record. The album cover is black and white, but I squinted my eyes and imagined some subtle colors.

What's the deal with Pirates?

2008-12-05T10:16:00.004-06:00

These are some drawings I did yesterday for a children's musical songbook about pirates. What's with the fascination with pirates? They're criminals! Is it their silly clothes? Is it living on the ocean? Is it getting something for nothing? Probably just the funny way they talk, and the fun rides at Disney World. Do you know what a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet is?? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Illustration Friday: Similar

2008-12-05T08:30:00.004-06:00

It's eery how similar Brad Pitt and I are to one another. It's actually getting kind of old. I like my space, you know what I mean? But what's really weird is how my mom looks nothing like Mrs. Pitt.

Happy Birthday Howard Finster! Rest in peace.

2008-12-02T08:03:00.009-06:00

Today would be the 92nd birthday of the Reverend Howard Finster, the eccentric artist who claimed in 1976 that a smudge of paint on his finger told him to "paint sacred art". Finster is credited with fueling the "outsider art" movement. He went on to paint thousands of paintings, of which I'm privileged to own a couple. He counted as his friends David Byrne of the Talking Heads and Michael Stipe of R.E.M. He painted album covers for both bands. The song Maps and Legends by R.E.M. is a tribute to Mr. Finster. I painted the above painting of Howard Finster in 1992 as a baby gift for my friends Scott and Lori, who are fans of his art, after the birth of their daughter Beatrice. I showed a polaroid of the painting to Howard during a visit my family took to his Paradise Garden in Penville, Georgia. He said that a lot of people have drawn his picture, and that mine was "real good". Howard Finster died October 22nd, 2001. So, happy birthday Howard, I hope you're happy at whatever planet you landed on.

Painting the portrait of Howard Finster.

Howard giving me a brief drawing lesson.

This is Howard holding my daughter Kelly,

who is now 17 years old.

I've been tagged. (Is there a cure?)

2008-11-25T10:00:00.003-06:00

Click on image to enlarge.

I'm somewhat of a novice to the blogosphere, but this week I've found myself "tagged" by the Great Kate of Chicago. And what that apparently entails is that I post 7 things about myself, and then proceed to tag 7 others, and so on, until everyone in the world knows about everyone else. Well, here are my 7 things, but I don't know how to tag others yet, but I will, because I know if I break the chain, 7 plagues will fall upon the world, and a Republican will be voted in as president again.

Boulevard Bolt on Thanksgiving morning.

2008-11-24T12:32:00.003-06:00

Okay, there's this Jew, a Baptist, and an Episcopalian. They get together, and they put on a race. Well, actually it's many Jews, Baptists and Episcopalians, coming together to put on a race in Nashville to benefit the homeless. The Temple, Immanuel Baptist Church, and St. George's Episcopal Church are putting on the 15th annual Boulevard Bolt 5 mile race on Thanksgiving morning. I had the privilege of designing and drawing the first shirt back in 1994, and again last year, for the 14th annual running of this race, with almost 8,000 participants!

Illustration Friday: Opinion

2008-11-22T22:01:00.004-06:00

I know people who take it as a personal affront if your opinion is different than theirs. One definition I liked: Belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge.

Illustration Friday: Pretend

2008-11-17T07:41:00.006-06:00

I drew this sketch of myself during church yesterday, where I was pretending. Or was I pretending to be pretending? Maybe I was pretending to be pretending to be pretending! Ouch, my head hurts...

The Trifecta is COMPLETE!!!

2008-11-04T22:18:00.003-06:00

First: My daughter's high school soccer team defeated the evil FRA Panthers to win the regional championship! Second: The mighty Tennessee Titans defeated the Green Bay Packers to go 9-0! Third: Good guys win! Good guys win!!!

About the above illustration: I drew those angels for a book I wrote back in 1999. Ironically they are pumped about the birth of the coming saviour. Note that these are not Southern Baptist angels. When there is an illustration assignment depicting angels for LifeWay (Southern Baptists) you do not show wings, feet, or make it female. My publisher for my book was Thomas Nelson, and they let me be a maverick. Let's all get down and get mavericky!!!

Illustration Friday: Vacant

2008-10-31T11:57:00.004-05:00

This was how it looked a long, long time ago. Hopefully it will be a long, long time before it looks this way again. But who would see it?

Vote for hOpe, with a capital O, and vote often!

Illustration Friday: Repair

2008-10-28T07:20:00.004-05:00

This old world of ours is in need of some repair, in many ways, and on many levels. Hopefully next Tuesday there will be a sign that maybe we can start heading in that direction.

This little tree-huggin' dude has good intentions, but with questionable results, is at least making some effort.

Illustration Friday: Late

2008-10-18T23:23:00.006-05:00

The original.

My version.

The quintessential late guy in literature would have to be Lewis Carroll's White Rabbit. Or was it the Jefferson Airplane's? Whatever. The icon of late.

There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"

I drew this illustration probably before most of the Illustration Friday participants were out of diapers, but it's working for me today. Man, I could draw chains back then.

I'm curious to see if there's any menstrual cycle references this week.

Better late than never.

Old Phoebe Caulfield.

2008-10-16T11:41:00.006-05:00

This is an illustration that I drew of a young J. D. Salinger reading to his children from an early draft of The Catcher in the Rye. He's reading the portion where Holden is describing his 10 year old sister Phoebe: "You'd like her. I mean if you tell old Phoebe something, she knows exactly what the hell you're talking about. I mean you can even take her anywhere with you. If you take her to a lousy movie, for instance, she knows it's a lousy movie. If you take her to a pretty good movie, she knows it's a pretty good movie."

No wait. Wrong illustration. This is an illustration where a father is reading to his children from the Bible, and sharing all of the verses that say that if you're a Christian, you're a Republican. My bad.

My Stupid Mouth

2008-10-13T08:24:00.004-05:00

My stupid mouth

Has got me in trouble

I said too much again

Mama said "think before speaking"

No filter in my head

Oh, what's a boy to do

I guess he better find one soon

Oh I'm never speaking up again

Starting now

John Mayer, a prophet for our times

Illustration Friday: Strings

2008-10-13T07:12:00.004-05:00

Imagine there's no Strings

It's scary if you try

No music around us,

A world way too quiet

Imagine all the people

Not tapping their toes

Illustration Friday: Boogery

2008-10-03T09:02:00.003-05:00

"Hey Bill, what's this supposed to be a picture of?"

"Well, the Illustration Friday word this week is 'Boogery', and this is what I came up with."

"No. I think if you look again, you'll see that the word is 'Sugary'."

"Oops."

Kind of like "Hickory, Dickory, Dock".

"Boogery, Sugary, Schlock!"

It's official: Fall is the BEST!

2008-10-01T07:56:00.003-05:00

Results of a recent Gallup poll revealed that people that like Fall the best of the four seasons, are the coolest, most thoughtful, sensitive, heartiest, and nicest people around. I guess that's me. The results are said to be 100% accurate, with a plus/minus accuracy rating of 3%. There you go! People that like Summer the best are vain, impatient, and hot. People that like Winter the best (unless they live somewhere that you can do Winter stuff), are depressive, loners, prone to being serial killers, and cold. Duh. And people that like Spring the best are almost as cool as people that like Fall the best. Interesting, since Spring is my second favorite. Go me!

Illustration Friday: Packed.

2008-09-26T09:18:00.004-05:00

Well, I'm all packed and ready to head off on that old Information Highway. I'll visit new friends in such exotic places as Hungary, Quebec, and Brentwood, Tennessee. Drop me a line and I'll come to your place too! Just know that I don't like curry, and I get up early.

And again to those Illustration Friday Purists: Not only is this a previously used illustration, it's also been previously posted on my blog! Yikes! But... I love it, and I've been to foreign countries before, and I love pork products, with or without lipstick!

Illustration Friday: Island

2008-09-12T10:48:00.005-05:00

After his failed presidential bid in 2008, Socmo embezzled the remaining funds in his campaign war chest, and purchased his own island from the estate of Marlon Brando where he established his own dictatorship, declaring "LIPSTICK FOR ALL! ALASKANS AND SWINE ALIKE!"

Illustration Friday: Clutter

2008-09-05T08:09:00.004-05:00

Okay, here's the deal: I'm aware that there are Illustration Friday purists out there who contend that we shouldn't (from a moral point of view) use existing images for our Illustration Friday posts. We should draw inspiration from the word, consult our muse, and create some original art. When I started a month ago, that was my intention. But, as I often do, for the sake of convenience and pleasure, I've compromised my shallow morals, and have used existing images, previously paid for by my wonderful clients. My excuse last week: I was out of town for the Labor Day weekend, my time was limited, and I found a very appropriate image. This week: What else could I have possibly drawn? It's clutter! Given a forty hour work week, I probably would have come up with this exact image. And I could have lied to you folks, and given the impression that I drew it just for Illustration Friday, but seeing that I posted it 23 minutes after the word was announced, I suspect some sleuths out there might have suspected my ruse. So there is a glimmer of morality still in my soul.

Memories.

2008-08-29T10:35:00.004-05:00

Fascinating phenomenon: The older I get, the fewer memories I have! And like many of us, the fondest memories are often of vacations. I vaguely remember having a vacation. But oh, if my luggage could only talk!

This weekend we're driving to Detroit for a wedding. Vacation? Detroit? Hardly. More like punishment for unrepentant sin. Maybe Mr. Suitcase will have a good time.

Routine.

2008-08-23T18:11:00.005-05:00

So which Australian band is this Roo-Teen listening to on his iPod while he is texting his favorite Sheila? Men At Work? Little River Band? INXS? Midnight Oil? If you thought anything except AC/DC, you're a loser! There's no need to even discuss this. G'day.

Detach.

2008-08-16T21:23:00.003-05:00

I love eating animals. Sorry. I'm not a bad person. Just love that meat. There's an organization for people like me. I believe it's called PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals.

Sail.

2008-08-12T09:41:00.003-05:00

A sailing adventure on the good ship Self-Employed-Illustrator! While sailing on the beautiful seas, it is for the most part, quite a lovely journey. Interesting ports, mostly friendly natives, and an occasional babe in a hula skirt. But sometimes the days are stormy as I view in the distance that treacherous Sea of Deadlines, but nothing makes the crew more mutinous than that legendary whirlpool of No-Work! The bones of many illustrators lie at the bottom of that part of the vast ocean. To be avoided at all costs, though sometimes the cruel winds blow in that direction. After a bit of bailing, am currently cruising quite nicely. Welcome aboard all ye wish to follow! (Side note: My world really was flat when I lived in Kansas! Also to be avoided.)

Poof!

2008-08-01T17:44:00.004-05:00

"Wow... Illustration Friday, just like I pictured it, skyscrapers and ever'thang!" Well, here I am, my first entry to IF. I couldn't sleep last night in anticipation of my first word to interpret. Apparently the IF people sleep a little longer than I do, so I waited awhile for the word to make it's way. Maybe they're in a western time zone. But finally, it arrived. "Poof!" My instant thought was a magic trick. Then I thought, what would I think would be magical? Then I drew this picture. On behalf of me and my paints, I hope we pass the audition.

Shark Week! (Weak Shark.)

2008-07-30T13:57:00.003-05:00

There's some channel on my television that has some big doo-dah festival of shark programming called Shark Week. Apparently it's a big deal and a lot of people watch it. I'm not one of them. I like shows about drunken advertising executives, who smoke like freight trains in 1962! That's my show. Seems like I drew this illustration in 1962, but actually it was around 1992, and boy, has it faded. It was for 321 Contact Magazine produced by Children's Television Workshop. It was a comic about The Fresh Fish of Smell Air. Those were the days.

I (heart) Jeopardy!

2008-07-15T07:02:00.003-05:00

I read a lot. Well, I guess compared to people who read a lot, I don't read a lot. But compared to most people, as least most people I know, I read a lot. I don't read a lot like those people on Jeopardy. Those people are freaks! But in a good way. How can one person know obscure Russian Literature and minutia about the cast of Friends? It's either/or, isn't it? Not with these folks. They have the time and the mental capacity for academics and popular culture. These people are my heroes. Each and every one. I love Jeopardy.

I produced a series of 10 paintings using the imagery of Bazooka Joe comic strips, but replaced the asinine jokes with text from famous American novels. The text that I chose was from the paragraphs in which the title of the book is mentioned. By the way, the text and the image have no correlation. That's the point, isn't it? Irony. Irony is so in right now. Not. I'm such a rookie.

"I'll take Potent Potables for four hundred Alex."

Happy Birthday to ME!!

2008-07-10T08:19:00.004-05:00

Wow, it seems just like yesterday on July 10th of some other year when Ruth Ross was laboring in the Osteopathic Hospital of Wichita, Kansas pushing forward what turned out to be me. Way to go Ruth! Er, I mean, Mom.

Other celebrity birthdays today: Arlo Guthrie, 61. Bela Fleck, 50. Gary LeVox (of Rascal Flatts), 38. Jessica (Thank God John Mayer dumped her!) Simpson, 28.

So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young

So I play the numbers game

To find a way to say that life has just begun

Stop this train

I wanna get off

And go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

-John Mayer (Stick with Jennifer Aniston you knucklehead!)

What do you think about, now that you're dead?

2008-07-07T11:29:00.003-05:00

"Put your hand on your chin. You'll look more thoughtful!"

What do you think about when you're dead? I think (I'm still living), not much.

Can I plagiarize myself?

2008-07-01T11:56:00.003-05:00

The top illustration was my Christmas card for 1993. Back when the daughter pictured still thought I was cool. She foolishly doesn't realize that I am still the epitome of coolness. There's been another daughter added since this illustration. She will very soon think I am not cool. Any day now.

Many years later I was commissioned to do an illustration for a parenting magazine, an article about whining children. I had a square space to fill, and the old image of my Christmas card came to mind, and I adapted it to the assignment. There exists a fine line between plagiarism, influence, inspiration, imitation, and parody. Since it was myself that I was plagiarizing, I had no trouble sleeping that night.

Hey, guess what today is? It's the first day of the rest of my life! If I had a quart of gas for every time I've said that, (today's approximate equivalent of a dollar), I could drive to Phoenix and back. Though I've never been to Phoenix, I've got friends there, so it would be worth the expense. But I've heard that Phoenix is the pits, so that's why it would be important to have the gas to get back. Anyway, life goes forward, and am trying to make the most of it! Started this morning. Again.

Snake, Rose, Fork #6

2008-05-24T12:10:00.004-05:00

Acrylic on Canvas 12"x16"

This latest vision in the series of 437, was loosely inspired by Paul Klee's Park Near Lu(cerne).

This is about me, not you.

2008-04-28T14:55:00.004-05:00

Last year I drew a small pile of gag cartoons and sent them off to the New Yorker just to, you know, see. I thought they were good, but alas, no response. Didn't even get a rejection letter. Now that's rejection. I'm sure they're inundated with submissions, but mine were special. They were from me.

"Hey, can somebody get me a metaphor?"

2008-04-21T14:32:00.003-05:00

This illustration is obviously replete with symbolism and is a deep metaphor for something. I'm just trying to come up with something relevant to merit it being here, cause I like it so darn much. Let's see... I was inspired by my hero Lance Armstrong on his finish today in the Boston Marathon, just putting one foot in front of the other. Just doin' it! Livin' strong! (zzzzz.) Or maybe he's on the road to Pennsylvania for tomorrow's primary. Just remember, vote for Barry Obama, and vote often! Or... Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time! Q: How do you get through life? A: One day at a time! Q: How do you get where you need to go? A: Look at a map (Ooooh, another metaphor!) and start taking steps. And be sure to smile as you go! Whatever. Hope you enjoy my drawing.

Diptych rhymes with Dipstick. Coincidence?

2008-04-17T12:46:00.003-05:00

These paintings were commissioned by Alley & Associates, an environmental engineering firm in Nashville, Tennessee, to hang in the lobby of their cool new offices. They are acrylic on canvas, 48" x 48" each, and hanging one above the other in a large vertical space. That's 32 square feet of painting folks, if you're into the math thing. I think Al Gore would like these, and could afford to send some work my way. Even though he lives just two miles from me, I haven't yet run into him or Tipper at the grocery, so if anyone can forward these to him, I'd appreciate it.

Deuteronomy 25:11,12

2008-04-11T12:24:00.004-05:00

This illustration is an element that goes on a children's game board for LifeWay Christian Resources. The designer is my friend Ed Maksimowicz.

The past few years a great amount of my work has been for LifeWay, so in an effort to know "the product" better, this year I'm reading the bible through, from cover to cover.

I'd like to share with you some of the practical wisdom I've gleaned from that comforting book of Deuteronomy:

"If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity."

Sweet.

That, of course, is from the NIV, or the "Nearly Inspired Version" as an elder at my church likes to say. Since this verse has such meaning for me today, I did an expansive study of it, and would like to share with you some other interpretations of this important passage, which as we know is "God breathed".

From the original language, or as some call it, The King James Version...

"When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand , and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her."

The secrets?

The ever popular NASV calls it this way...

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

And that lite, watered down Living Bible says is thusly...

"If two men are fighting and the wife of one intervenes to help her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, her hand shall be cut off without pity."

Yikes. So folks, quit your squabbling and be careful out there.

And they lived happily ever after.

2008-04-08T14:48:00.003-05:00

Occasionally in real life, like in the fairy tales, life is just, and good triumphs over evil. Like was witnessed yesterday evening when the Kansas Jayhawks defeated the thugs of Memphis. "There is no 'I' in Team, but there is a 'Me' in Memphis." Quit eatin' gummy bears and practice your free throws you idiot! Life is soooo good!

Above is the latest installment of the 437 entries of Snake, Fork, and Rose. Please note that all my paintings are for sale, unless otherwise noted. Be a part of history, buy yours today!

Snake, Rose, and Fork

2008-04-07T15:46:00.002-05:00

A man in a flaming pie appeared to me (this is not the man in a flaming pie that told John Lennon that they would be the Beatles with an "A") and told me to paint 437 paintings of a Snake, a Rose, and a Fork. When I complete the 437 paintings, I feel that he will reappear and tell me the mysterious significance of the number 437. I'll keep you posted, this may take a while.

Bill's Li'l Book of the Dead.

2008-04-07T11:46:00.003-05:00

Back in the early part of the century, when times were simpler, (before iPods), I carried a little brown sketchbook with me where ever I went.

In this book I had taped obituaries that I had clipped from my newspaper. Then I would sketch these interesting faces in my little sketchbook while waiting for late art directors, delayed designers, over committed doctors, or while flying on planes. Like I fly a lot. I think I've been on a plane once this entire century, let alone this decade.

Please enjoy these sketches of Mrs. Jessie and Andrew, who were loved by someone, somewhere, very much, taken from "Bill's Li'l Book of the Dead".